Frank Sinatra - It was a Very Good Year

When I was seventeen, it was a very good year
It was a very good year for small town girls
And soft summer nights
We'd hide from the lights
On the village green
When I was seventeen
When I was twenty-one, it was a very good year
It was a very good year for city girls
Who lived up the stairs
With all that perfumed hair
And it came undone
When I was twenty-one
When I was thirty-five, it was a very good year
It was a very good year for blue-blooded girls
Of independent means
We'd ride in limousines
Their chauffeurs would drive
When I was thirty-five
But now the days are short, I'm in the autumn of my years
And I think of my life as vintage wine
From fine old kegs
From the brim to the dregs
It poured sweet and clear
It was a very good year

Jingle Bells, Batman Smells

I just Googled "Jingle Bells, Batman Smells," and I came upon this uber-nerdy, and when I say uber-nerdy I actually mean awesome, person who chronicled the history of this hilarious, Christmas-song parody that has been passed down through generations from US coast to coast, and just won't die.

My son sings Jingle Bells, Batman Smells. Why? Because I taught it to him. Nothing like a rollicking round of that famous chorus to break up the monotony of the day.

Let's all sing it now.

Jingle bells, Batman smells
Robin laid an egg
Batmobile lost a wheel
And the Joker got away
Hey!

I've been pondering how it can be that people keep this amusing, superhero-offending little ditty alive, year after year, generation after generation.

I think that Jingle Bells, Batman Smells satisfies some sort of inner need to mercilessly mock the world's revered role models while simultaneously bastardizing an iconic Christmas song. Mockery and bastardization rank as two of some of the most satisfying pastimes. Also, the Joker is the clear winner in all this, which is somehow gratifying.

Nothing odd about these two.

Batman and his faithful sidekick, Robin, are two grown men in tights who sport colorful masks and capes, while running around claiming to fight crime. I would also like to point out that they wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes.

My son dresses like this sometimes, but he is six.

Breaking this down further... let us examine the actual lyrics of said schoolyard rhyme. A revered American hero, Batman, discovers that he has an odor problem. Then his faithful sidekick, Robin, flatulates. Or, rather, does he ovulate? I'm not sure if "laid an egg" is meant to be taken literally but it's certainly fun to ponder.

Next, our two heroes get into a car accident, and their arch enemy, the Joker, without whom I'd like to point out there would be no purpose at all to their crime fighting agenda, yet again slips away into the night to continue wreaking havoc on the world.

(I don't know why it has to be night. Isn't it always night-time in the world of Batman and Robin?)

I think, also, that Jingle Bells, Batman Smells lives on because in our homogenized modern society where no matter what you say, you're bound to offend somebody, this is an opportunity to ridicule two bizarrely dressed boy-men without anyone having ANY problem with it!!

Why? Because they don't even exist!

Jingle bells, Batman smells... it just feels to good to sing it.

Did you sing Jingle Bells, Batman Smells in the schoolyard growing up? Do you have an "alternate version"? Do your kids sing it now?

Post in the comments, or share on Facebook.


xo,
Mom

Bring Back Romper Room!

Tonight my kindergartner and I took a trip down memory lane (my memories, not his of course!) and watched a full episode of Romper Room from 1984. Actually, I was too old in 1984 to watch this show anymore, but I couldn't find any full episodes from 1978 or 1979.

My son was as delighted with Romper Room as I was at his age, listening intently to Ms. Mary Ann teach, watching the little storytime vignettes, doing all the dances and exercises along with the kids, and generally enjoying all the age-appropriate material. And, like me when I was six, he too was completely mesmerized by the Magic Mirror, awaiting the mention of his name, along with the names of all his special people, with eager anticipation.

As I watched, I went back in time to sing along with my kindergarten self at all the songs I still remember by heart, such as "Bend and stretch, reach for the stars... here comes Jupiter, there goes Mars!" and "Romper bomper, stomper, boo. Tell me, tell me, tell me, do...." And I was surprised
to reacquaint with a regular character on the show that I had NOT  thought about again since childhood... Doo-Bee, the woman-in-black-tights wearing a paper mache bumblebee mask/head and miming along/doing movements to songs with the kids on the show. Remember Doo-Bee, the happy dancing bumblebee?

This show struck me as being extra awesome because of all the valuable content. They covered every topic of interest, with suggestions for what to do on a day when you're bored, good nutrition, exercise, how to patch it up after an argument with a friend, and more. And the kids on the show were actually local guests from schools around NJ, were they not? I'm not sure where Romper Room was filmed, but I'm assuming it was either NY or NJ because I did catch a mention of the Turtle Back Zoo.

Anyway, if you want a blast from your childhood past that puts a smile on your face and reminds you of simpler times, then check out the above episodes of Romper Room! Even cooler if you can do as I did, and watch with your kindergartner.

"Wrap Rage" - It's a Thing. For People Confounded by Modern Packaging

What's with packaging these days? Am I the only one who veers dangerously close to committing violence when confronted with anything that is wrapped, boxed, zip-tied and otherwise bound up in packaging? Evidently not! Wikipedia refers to this condition as "wrap rage" or "package rage". Bah, ha, ha! I relate to this in a big way, how about you?

pic from simplyfantasticbooks.wordpress.com

I don't remember packaging being an issue in "the good old days." I remember bags of potato chips that one could easily open with one's bare hands, without requiring the use of complex tools or the utterance of profanity.

I remember Christmas toys that I was able to gleefully tear out of the packaging on my own, as child. Now, not only are the kids unable to remove their own gifts from the boxes they arrive in, but parents can't do it either!

I'm not sure what happened with the packaging industry, but I feel like a joke is being played and it's on us. A mother shouldn't have to wrestle with a simple bag of snacks just to offer her child a little sustenance in the car. A person should not have to stand there at the kitchen counter, slowly starving to death while unsuccessfully trying to peel the protective inner layer of plastic wrap off their container of hummus. An Amazon box should not have to end up utterly mangled in order for its recipient to access the mail-ordered goodies inside.

In order to combat the unnecessary overzealous packaging of modern goods, I've actually had to employ a few preemptive strategies in my life.

Purchase multi-packs of kitchen shears and stash them all over the house. Two in the kitchen, on in the coffee table in the livingroom, one upstairs in the hall closet, one in the basement by the washer. This way, no matter what room you're in, you'll always have the option to wield your trusty instrument and deftly slice open whatever package is currently causing a problem for you. Except of course, for the wrapping that the shears themselves arrive in. You'll have to grapple with that for a while before you can actually utilize these handy helpers.

Open up packages well in advance of needing the items inside. This works especially well for when you're having guests over to your house. I for one have no patience for tricky packages of crackers that have been sealed with super-grip adhesive that you end up yanking every which way and breaking all the crackers inside while trying to accomplish the simple task of arranging a plate of party snacks.

Buy your husband one of those man tools. I forget what it's called, but he can put it on his belt or keep it in his pocket. It has basic handy things like a small knife, can opener, nail file and stuff like that. Whenever my husband is around and happens to see me fumbling around with a wrapped box or other packaged item, he comes through with his handy man tool and all is well in a matter of seconds.

Keep matches and lighters at the ready. This works well if you must "burn your way" through a sealed package as a last resort. Actually, I'm just kidding – I've never had to set anything on fire while attempting to procure the contents inside. But one never knows what may become of the packages of the future, so probably best to have that blowtorch waiting in the wings.

Are you confounded by modern packaged goods? What types of items do you have trouble opening, and what have you done about it?

Whatever it is I think I see becomes a Tootsie Roll to me

So, I pretty much always have jingles from vintage TV commercials constantly running through my head. And why not? Songs on TV actually sounded good back then! Can we bring back classic jingles... please? For the love of my 40-something ears.

It's Knitting Season!

I took up knitting many years ago. My progress has come along in fits and starts, but I do keep getting better at it. Even though my mom is a champion knitter and seamstress, I never felt compelled to pick up the hobby until I quit my "young people vices." So basically, when I gave up going to the bar on weekends is when knitting started to look like something I might want to do!

These days, I knit for fun and relaxation at night while watching Netflix comedy specials. Comedy is perfect to knit to because you don't have to keep your eye on the action the whole time. Also, it's funny.

The above photo is of a cabling project I'm working on. I got the pattern from a book called 99 Knit Stitches and it's become my knitter's bedside bible.


I still haven't knitted a sweater, but maybe now that I know how to cable that can be something to strive for in the future! It's hat and scarf season, and we have plenty of kids in our family to knit for. So maybe I'll just put this endless cabling mission down for a while so I can knit fun stuff for fam.

One thing I love about knitting is the kind of people I meet when I take my projects out and about. Nice ladies (and cool old men) often stop to ask about what I'm making, admire my handiwork, and share their mutual love of knitting or appreciation of handmade knitted goods.

To learn knitting on my own, I began viewing videos I came across online. The best ones I've found are from a pro knitter by the name of Amy Findlay, who runs the awesome site, KnittingHelp.com. Check out these beginner knitting videos of hers on Youtube.



Casting on is the first knitting trick you should learn. It basically means "loading" your knitting needle to begin a new project. The above video share the continental method of casting on.

Here's an "intro to knitting" video from Amy!

To learn more basics, go to Knittinghelp.com.


If you've ever wanted to become a knitter, these days you can do it without having to take formal lessons or have your female relatives hovering over your shoulder. Plenty of avid knitters are posting helpful tips on Youtube and other knitting sites!

Do you knit? What are you knitting this fall? 

xo,
Mom

Where to Get Poofy Organics in Hunterdon, NJ

Have you heard of Poofy Organics? I have to say, I really like their products. I buy the natural deodorant, nail polish, and natural perfume. If you want to get ahold of some Poofy but aren't sure where to find it, let me send you in the direction of a gal I know - Gwen Stanton. She manages a Poofy group on Facebook, and I buy through her so she gets a little commish which is always helpful for busy moms like us, trying to help support our families. I order mine by mail but I think you can also pick up.

Explore natural and organic products from Poofy Organics

Anyway, here are some photos that contain Gwen's Poofy link. If you click through and order something, you'll support her business! And of course, you'll have a great Poofy supplier in your area.

My personal Poofy recommendations:

Almond cookie scented, whipped body butter. Mmm, how decadent does that sound? Why not treat yourself, or get a head start on Christmas shopping, and buy one for a good friend?

Poofy Organics Almond Cookie Body Butter

 

Poofy's baking soda based, Max Deo has become my deodorant go-to after years of using regular antiperspirant, which stopped working for me anyway. I stash one of a few different scents in various places like my purse, makeup bag, upstairs in the bathroom, and at my computer desk.

Max Deo Natural Deodorant

I am one of those scentless people, or at least I was until I discovered Poofy Organics and essential oils. Regular perfumes give me a migraine, so I was super excited to find natural and organic products that allowed me to have a "signature scent" again! Ruggedly Natural Wood Citrus is my fave.

Ruggedly Natural Wood Citrus Cologne

Can you tell I'm on an Almond kick today? Poofy's nail polishes have really scored big in my estimation because as I mentioned, strong odors like perfume make me feel crappy. Poofy polish does have a slight odor, but it goes away really quickly and does not linger in your house!

Click to see a plethora of Poofy polishes

This is just a very small sampling of the awesome organic products you can find from Poofy Organics. Visit them at https://gwenstanton.poofyorganics.com/ to learn more, and shop for the scents and products that you like best!

You'll Never Guess What Natural Cleaning Product Works Best to De-Grunge Linoleum Floors!

Earth-shattering news from the 40s mom world... up at 5 a.m. for some kitchen floor detail. Mine always looks like a herd of filthy animals just trooped through here, basically because that's what happened. Also, because I don't wash it. Just kiddin'.

No, for real, if you struggling with keeping linoleum clean in a high-traffic area of the house, AND you also prefer to use non-chemical household cleaning products, then you'll appreciate what I'm about to share here.

The surprise product is... hold onto your hats, people... Bon Ami!



Does anyone even know about Bon Ami? It's this nifty little abrasive cleaner that shares space in the aisle with Comet and Ajax. The can is  yellow, there's a little chick on it. It's good for a whole host of purposes, which we can talk about later as I don't want to spoil the fun by spilling all in this one post.

Bon Ami is pretty cool because it contains no chlorine bleach and yet it still stands up against old floor crud, berry and tea stains on your counter tops, and other things that we Keepers of the Family Domain must deal with on a routine basis.

Here's a can of Bon Ami, in all its glory, in case you have no idea what I'm talking about. The ingredients are limestone, feldspar, soda ash, baking soda, and surfectant. I'm not really sure what any of these things are, but they sound good so there you go.

So, anyway, let me tell you what to do with the Bon Ami when your linoleum needs a good scrubbing.

Fill a bucket with hot water and your favorite other, natural cleaner. My preferred kitchen floor mix contains the following:

• Splash of Dr. Bronner's (I prefer the lavender scent)
• About 15 drops each of lemon oil and peppermint oil
• About 6 drops of tea tree oil

The essential oils impart a delightful, clean scent while delivering disinfectant capabilities. I'm not sure if Bon Ami disinfects, but at least this way you've covered all your bases, plus you can enjoy that fresh and delightful aroma which I honestly find so inspiring.

Anyway, so grab a clean cloth and get on your hands and knees for some good old-fashioned floor scrubbing. Don't you know, scrubbing is good for the soul? Plus, you can sneak in some yoga while you're down there. Cat, cow, scrub, breathe, rinse. Also, be sure to wear something slutty in case your husband comes by and finds himself aroused by this scenario. Not that this has ever happened to me, but hey. A girl can dream. Uh, what?


So, back to the floor. Here's what you do. Dip your cloth in the bucket and then wring out. Spinkle just a bit of the Bon Ami on the area of the floor that you want to clean the muck from, and scrub it in with your handy cleaning cloth. Next, dip your cloth into the bucket again, wring out, and wipe clean the spot that you just Bon-Ami'ed.

Repeat until the entire floor has resumed its former glory. And, you're not done. Your floor will now feel gritty. Have no fear. You can simply use a hot-water saturated mop to go over it again several times until the abrasive grit is removed. Also, pay attention to the bottoms of your feet. They will probably have Bon Ami on them. Wash your feet before resuming normal daily activities.

xo,
Mom

How to Make a Haunted House Out of a Happy Meal Box

We made our quarterly trip to McDonald's earlier in the month. My son found his Happy Meal box to be fascinating. (Great prize, by the way – it was a Batman "mask" that doubled as glasses.) He told me it looked like a house, and wanted to play with his action figures in it when we got home.

That got me to thinking. Since it's Halloween season, why not grab some acrylic paints and turn this into a Halloween project?

Step 1. Remove any remaining hamburger grease from Happy Meal Box as best as possible. I shook some baking soda into mine, then emptied. It wasn't very messy anyway.

Step 2. Tuck the handles in and close up the roof with tape.

Step 3. Use a pencil to trace arched windows and a door into the sides of your Happy Meal box.

Step 4. Cut the bottom out of your Happy Meal box using age-appropriate scissors.

Step 5. Carefully use the scissors to cut the windows and doors out of your Happy Meal box.

Step 6. Squirt some black acrylic paint onto a paper plate. Fill a cup with water in case you need to wet your brush. Have paper towels on hand for blotting excess water out of the brush. Use a paint sponge or thicker brush to paint your haunted house black, including the roof.

Step 7. Squirt some black and some white paint onto the paper plate. Mix together to make gray. Use a smaller paintbrush or a Q-tip to paint little gray stones onto the roof of your haunted house.

Step 8: Set the haunted house on top of newspaper or paper towels and let dry.

Take it Up a Notch!

To make this Halloween project even cooler, get a large shoebox, stand it sideways horizontally and paint a spooky scene on it. Dangle plastic bats from the ceiling of the box. We haven't gotten around to this phase of the project, but if we do, we'll be sure to post and share!

Are you doing any fun Halloween crafts at home with the kids? Share your link here!

Whatever Happened to Awesome Homemade Cupcakes for School Birthday Parties?

Remember elementary school birthday parties of the 70s and 80s? They were one of the main highlights of being a kid. If someone had a birthday coming up, everyone in the class could look forward to the arrival of a mysterious, foil-covered box from JC Penney or Macy's which held delicious chocolate or vanilla cupcakes, carefully wrapped in paper and baked with love by Mom. And if you were a really cool kid with an extra awesome mom, you might show up at school with cupcakes that had been somehow magically inserted into ice-cream wafer cones and covered with sprinkles. The ultimate!

Remember eating one of these at your desk? Cupcakes that resemble ice cream cones are still alive and well. It's just that you can't send them into school with your kid for her birthday anymore! Pic from allrecipes.com

Well, these days things are not so simple, and the fun of school birthday parties has been stifled a bit by controlling powers that be. Yes, many kids have life-threatening tree nut allergies, and that is a legitimate concern. But today's elementary schools have some rather rigid rules in place, and come with quite the detailed protocol to follow for sending treats in with your kid.

The first rule set forth by my child's school is that if you wish to send food into school for any reason, it must be submitted in writing at least 2 weeks in advance.

The second is that any snack you send in for the class to enjoy must be already on their "pre-approved" list. So, too bad for you, working parents. No more sailing through the DD drive-thru to grab 24 munchkins on the morning of your kid's special day. No, this must be pre-planned, pre-approved, and pre-selected from a limited list of nutritionally-approved items.

Additionally, here are the nutritional guidelines provided:

• No more than eight grams of total fat per serving
• No more than two grams of saturated fat per serving
• Sugar cannot be the first ingredient
• Beverages can only be low-fat milk, water, or 100%
• Fruit/vegetable juice

According to the notice I received, "All food items must be store purchased and pre-packaged. Foods of “minimal nutritional value” will not be allowed in school. This includes soda, water ices, Jell-O, candy-coated popcorn, cotton candy, chewing gum, and candy. Foods containing nuts or manufactured in a facility that uses nuts are not allowed because of life-threatening allergies."

Are you feeling the birthday love? The unbridled anticipation, the excitement, the joyous spontenaeity?

Not to mention, what constitutes nutritional value is awfully subjective, don't you think? Who is to say that homemade cupcakes made with local farm eggs and grass-fed butter would be nutritionally inferior to the packaged foods that made their list?

In case you were wondering what sorts of approved foods have made the public school birthday treat list, here it is. Looks like Doritos are approved. I guess MSG made the cut? Oh boy, I'm sure the kids at school will be so delighted if I decide to send in Mott's apple sauce.

Luckily for those parents who don't feel like combing the aisles of Shoprite on the night before their child's big day in search of those specific, pre-approved items, the school has a convenient option to order ice cream treats that can be purchased from the cafeteria. One is lowfat ice cream sandwiches, and the other is "birthday-cake flavored" frozen yogurt.

(And why would something that is "birthday cake flavored" be considered healthier again?)

All of this leads us to low fat ice cream treats from the cafeteria as the obvious choice, would it not? 

I mean, what do you want, kids, lowfat graham sticks, boxes of raisins... or ice cream?

 Life in the modern world is very, very strange to me.

xo,
Mom

Is It Me, or Is It Suddenly Lip Balm Season Again?

It's October 11 and fall is finally here, or at least it seemed that way this morning with our teeth chattering at the bus stop!

Today was the official day I lugged the last window air conditioner out and hauled it back up to the attic. It was also the day I officially broke out my lip balm and resumed carrying it around with me after not really being too concerned about lip moisture for most of the summer.

With a nip in the air and some good hair days ahead of us, I think it's time to stock up on lip balm again, don't you? And I know just the girl who can supply you with some delicious, natural moisturizer for that purty pucker of yours.

Buy some yummy, homemade, all-natural lip balm from KissieMamaLLC!

My pal Tracy of Kissiemama LLC makes homemade lip balms from a variety of all-natural, lip-smacking ingredients. I've sampled her chocolate mint, orange clove, and birthday cake flavors, and they're all pretty much "the balm!"

The only issue I have with her balms is that they're so delicious I immediately lick them off my lips. :D

In addition to lip balms, Tracy also has come up with some delightful, all-natural recipes like her ultra-moisturizing face and body lotion.

Tracy's all-natural face and body lotion is available for purchase on Etsy.com

Go shopping for cold-weather skincare from a quality, homemade source!

40-Something Beauty Secrets: Eating Whole Cranberries

I'm a busy mom in my forties. Some days I look okay, but other times I think I appear rather haggard. RBF (resting bitch face) is something I'm unfortunately well familiar with.

("No, I'm not in a bad mood! I'm just over 40!") 

When you're over 40, people will ask you if you're upset, when actually you're just trying to think. If this doesn't happen to you, then congratulations. It means you are more attractive than me!

I guess it's luck of the draw at my age. There are those times when the hormones may not be kicking on, or you had a late night, or the barometric pressure is off, or the sun ducked behind a cloud or something.

Every once in a while, someone will tell me I look good. When that happens, I find it a bit startling, and tend to glance around uncertainly, thinking they must be talking to someone else.

HA! No, really, a woman's looks do become a bit more of a concern at this age when the crow's feet become crow legs and the beer belly is beginning to rival your husband's.


Anyway, I recently got a compliment from my Dad who told me he thought that I had lost weight and looked really pretty the last time he saw me. Sadly, I was trying to figure out why that could be. Why would I have looked good? Was it something I ate? Didn't eat? Was it wine? Maybe I should drink more wine! 

I figured out it must be cranberries. I keep frozen, whole cranberries in my freezer and I swear to God they take about ten years off my face when I remember to eat them. I'm pretty sure the cranberries help to clear me of any extra bloat I may be carrying, which, at my age can be a very helpful thing, you know, eye bags and such.

So, to all forty-something ladies wanting to look your best, and by look your best I mean not look like you stayed up all night partying when in reality you slept a full 8 hours... pop some whole cranberries. They're extremely tart, but you're tough, you can handle it can't you? Any woman who in her youth used to down tequila shots at 3 am can, in her mature years, power through six frozen cranberries in the afternoon.

One day I'm going to do a cranberry experiment where I take a photo of my face pre-cranberries and post cranberries, so you can see the difference. Well, actually no, I am probably not going to do that ever. But maybe you should! Take the Cranberry Challenge. Cranberry before and after selfies for everyone!

PS: Dried, sugared cranberries do not count. If you really, really hate the taste of unsweetened cranberries, try cranberry tea instead.

Studies Show: Dogs Love Singing to Pink Floyd

I noticed that my chihuahua mix loves to sing along to Pink Floyd. His favorite song is, what else - "Dogs". No, just kidding, it's "Shine on You Crazy Diamond."

Here's my dog, howling along to "Shine On You Crazy Diamond" in the car. Please note: I started recording while in park, and I was not looking while filming the dog (as you can tell by the awful video that is not even on the dog). It was a slow, short drive through a quiet neighborhood.


 (Please ignore my maniacal laughter during the making of this video.)

After Youtubing this phenomenon, I discovered other dogs who also feel compelled to sing Pink Floyd songs.



Here's another Dog of YouTube, singing along to Floyd. "Wish You Were Here" seems to be a popular choice for these musical mutts.




This chihuahua really seems moved by the music. Look at those ears!...



Pink Floyd's Animals album does it for this frisky fella...

 

Does your dog sing? What's his or her favorite band?

Bring Back Those '80s Retro Ribbon Barrettes!

When I was a girl, I wore my hair long, actually very long. My claim to fame was my hair that reached my waist at one point, and for having a swinging ponytail that swished back and forth as I walked (bounced?) to school. People probably thought I was weird, but what are you going to do? I still am weird! HAHA!
 
Anyway, I wore barrettes in my long hair, and at times I still wish I could wear barrettes because I really like them. Remember barrettes?! The best ones were fashioned with braided ribbons that dangled a bit and had a bead tied at the end. You could go downtown to the craft store (I forget where, I just remember that there was this magical craft store that my mom would take me to sometimes), and we'd get ribbons and make barrettes. 

OOH. The Ultimate Ribbon Barrettes Party Pack, from a lady on Etsy!

All my friends who got Cabbage Patch Dolls for Christmas and tied friendship pins on their sneakers wore ribbon barrettes. We had doll houses (mine was the Smaller Homes and Gardens model, one time I found my pet hamster loose and roaming around in my doll house, what a kick!) and we read Beverly Cleary books. Those were the kinds of barrette-wearing girls that we were.

Glorious ribbon barrettes! The same lady is selling them in a six pack of assorted colors

Anyway, so even though I don't have daughters, I do have a pretty little niece now (Yay!!) which I think is rather neat. She's too young for barrettes now, but just you wait.

So what do you say, let's bring back those ribbon barrettes! You can get some ribbons and Goody barrettes (I know they still have them at the pharmacy or grocer store, don't they? Those barrettes will be on the shelf forever!). Or, you can head on over to Etsy where cool crafters have already made them for you, and have even packaged them up into convenient party packs!

Ribbon barrettes for all seasons and occasions, oh, sweet girlhood bliss.

9 Variations on Tomato Sauce (Gravy for the Italians)

Because I'm Italian, I like to talk about sauce. I don't call it gravy, I am a modern American woman. It's sauce made from tomatoes, garlic, and other tasty things. Every good cook should know the many variations on this more-or-less staple of Mediterranean cooking.

Here's a photo of my mother's Italian food. Mine is pretty much identical.

Every tomato sauce goes the same way. It starts with browning and/or sauteeing. If you plan to put meat in your sauce, then you brown the meat until mostly cooked. (This does not apply to fish because fish cooks quickly, so it goes into the sauce at the end). Anyway, so you drain some or all of the fat from the meat that you just browned, if you're using meat at all. Then you add aromatics (garlic and/or onion) and a little olive oil. Make sure the heat is turned down, the garlic cooks quickly and you don't want it to burn. Burned or brown garlic imparts a bitter taste.

A note about onions. Some people don't like them and others can't digest. They really make the sauce taste sweet. But if you don't want to actually eat onions, you can just add a half an onion without chopping it, let it cook down with the sauce, then remove at the end.

Next go your tomatoes. These also take a relatively long time to simmer down. You can vary the type of tomatoes depending on your desired consistency. Do you want chunky? Then scrunch up some whole cooked tomatoes. If you prefer thin sauce, then just buy some cans of "tomato sauce." I've been adding diced tomatoes to my sauce recently. They take less work. Some people make sauce out of tomato paste. I myself don't use tomato paste at all, but that's just me.

If you plan to add vegetables, the cooking time of the ones you choose will depend on when you put them in. Carrots and celery go in early, along with the aromatics. Peppers (in my humble opinion) go in at the last 10 minutes if you want them to stay chunky and green. Squash like zucchini or yellow go in last also. You can even sautee them separately and just add to the pasta when you serve it.
So, here are the many variations on tomato sauce for all your delicious dinners!

Basic, Meatless Tomato Sauce (Marinara)

Ingredients:

Garlic
Olive oil
Several cans of tomato sauce
Fresh or dried thyme
Salt and pepper

Sautee garlic and oil until you get the aroma. Add tomatoes, herbs and seasonings. Cook to bubbling, then turn down and simmer for about 30 minutes or until sweet. I believe marinara refers to seafood, so this is probably the basic sauce one would make before adding fish stock and shellfish if you were cooking that.

Common sense seems like a sound approach to me!

Tomato Sauce with Ground Beef

For an easy night when you want a hearty meal but don't feel like rolling meatballs.

Ingredients:

Packet of ground beef
Several cans of tomato sauce
Olive oil
Garlic and onion
Fresh basil or parsley if you have it
Salt and Pepper
Parmesan or Romano cheese

Brown the meat and drain the fat. Add oil, garlic and onions to the pan and sautee. Pour in tomato sauce, add parsley, salt and pepper. Cook for about an hour or two until it tastes like sauce. Serve with the pasta of your choice (ziti or rotelle is good), and sprinkle grated cheese over the top.

Tomato Sauce with Sausage

This is my go-to when I want a hearty Italian pasta meal.

Ingredients:

1 packet of Italian sausage, hot, sweet or mixed
Garlic and onion
Several cans of tomato sauce
Herbs of your choice – rosemary, thyme, parsley, fresh basil
Salt and pepper
Parmesan or Romano cheese

Brown the sausage in bottom of pan. As it browns, you can cut it up to reduce the cooking time. When the sausage is no longer pink, drain the fat and add a little olive oil and the garlic and onion. Sautee, then add tomato sauce, herbs, salt and pepper. Simmer the sauce for about 3 hours. You can also make meatballs and serve together for a hearty and flavorful pasta meal. Don't forget the grated cheese!

Here's a photo of my mother in law's table at Christmas time. Note the yummy meats.

Tomato Sauce with Meatballs

I like to make my "spaghetti and meatballs" using the flavorful, sausage-based sauce recipe that I mentioned above. You don't have to put sausage in if you don't have any. The recipe for basic tomato sauce works just fine too, but I'd add that half an onion to be removed at the end, and gently place the baked meatballs in at the end for about 20 minutes.

this photo is my husband's first attempt at making meatballs and sauce. pretty cool for a dude, eh?

Ingredients for Meatballs:

1 small package meatloaf mix or ground beef
2 slices wheat bread, toasted
About half a cup of milk
2 eggs
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 cup fresh parsley, chopped
3/4 cups grated cheese such as Parmesan, Romano or a blend
Pinch of allspice
Salt and pepper

Combine all ingredients together in a large bowl. From into bite-sized balls with your hands. Line up all meatballs on a baking dish and cook for about 30-40 minutes at 350 degrees. Add to sauce and cook for last 20 minutes. Serve over spaghetti with a sprinkle of fresh grated cheese, and parsley if you have it.

Lidia Bastianich's lasagna with bechamel beats all!

Bolognese Sauce

Like standard ground meat sauce, Bolognese starts with a packet of ground beef. But the addition of diced carrot and onion along with the garlic, is what makes it Bolognese. I think. Or at least that's what I learned from Lidia Bastianich.

Ingredients:

Ground beef
Olive oil
carrots
onion
cloves garlic
Several cans tomato sauce
Salt and pepper
Parmesan or Romano cheese

Brown the ground beef in the bottom of a stock pot and drain the fat. Add chopped carrots, onions and garlic. Sautee in olive oil. Add tomato sauce, salt and pepper. Cook for about 3 hours until sauce tastes done. Serve with ziti, or layered in a lasagna with mozzarella and Bechamel sauce.

Pomodoro Sauce

This recipe begins with a salty, cured meat. Bacon is fine, or if you have Panchetta  (Italian bacon) you can use that. Tomatoes should be chunky. Goes nicely over Fettuccini.


Ingredients:

Bacon
Olive oil
Garlic
Onion
Several cans of whole tomatoes, chunked up
White pepper
Fresh parsley at the end
Fresh grated cheese

Pomodoro does not take long to cook. You brown the bacon or Panchetta, drain some of the fat, then add aromatics and chunky tomatoes. Cook for maybe a half hour or 40 minutes. Serve over fettucini with grated cheese and fresh parsley.

Puttanesca Sauce

Puttanesca is one of my favorites, as I love tangy foods like olives and capers. I don't put onion in mine.

Ingredients:

Olive oil
Garlic
Fresh basil
Several cans tomato sauce
A can of diced tomatoes
Artichoke hearts
Calamata olives
Capers
Pepper

Puttanesca cooks quickly, in a half hour or so. For those not in the know, a "puttana" is a woman of ill repute, and this is supposedly the meal one would expect to be served if you visited such women. Puttanesca is also called "gypsy pasta" – a less offensive name!

Cook Puttanesca as you would regular, basic tomato sauce. Then add your tangy artichoke hearts, Calamata olives and capers. This also works nicely with chunks of chicken breast. You should brown the meat first if you use it.

Rachael Ray just seems like someone I'd be friends with.

Seafood Sauce

For Italian seafood sauce, first you cook a simple marinara sauce, then add the fish at the end.

Ingredients:

Olive oil
Garlic
Several cans of whole tomatoes, scrunched into chunks (drain the liquid), plus a can of tomato sauce if you want it less juicy and more saucy
White wine
Salt and pepper
Fresh parsley

If you're using shellfish like clams and/or mussels, you'll want to scrub all the sand and "beards" off. Then add to the pot of sauce with some white wine, and cook until the shells open. It won't take more than 6 minutes probably – shellfish cook quickly, even more like 3 minutes if no shells are on. Remove most of the seafood bodies and return them to the sauce. Dispose of the shells. Save a few in the shells for presentation.

If you're using shrimp and want that good, fishy flavor but don't want guests to have to peel their shrimp, then pre-peel the shrimp and save the shells to boil in water for a quick stock. When the tomato sauce is cooked about half an hour, add the stock and white wine. Make sure the alcohol fully cooks off before serving. Throw in the shrimp to cook for about 3 or 4 minutes, then quickly serve with linguine. Garnish with fresh parsley.

FraDiablo Sauce

Diablo is the devil, don't you know, and that's why this sauce is hot hot hot. Some people think it's diavolo and that how it comes up from a lot of people on the Googles. Ha, ha! Pretty much everyone I know who has ever eaten Fra Diablo has it over linguine or spaghetti with fried calamari. I'm sure it would also be good with some cooked (non-fried) calamari and shrimp.

Ingredients:

Olive oil
Garlic
Several cans tomato sauce
Fish stock (see "Seafood Sauce", above, for how to make a quick shrimp shell stock)
Parsley
Salt and pepper
White wine
Hot sauce, like Tabasco
Cayenne pepper

Cook the tomato sauce as you normally would, about a half-hour. Add the white wine and cook off. Add several shots of Tabasco, to taste, and cayenne if you really like it hot. Serve over your pasta of choice, with the aforementioned, fried calamari.

There are so many ways to serve tomato sauce over pasta. What's your favorite recipe for tomato sauce?

Neighbor Girls Show Entrepreneurial Spirit, Remind Us to Get Out from Behind Our Screens and Live

The kids in my neighborhood rule. When we take a walk around the block, we typically pass elementary-school aged boys and girls riding bikes or scooters, and otherwise having fun outside. These kids stay active. They walk their dogs, sell Girl Scout cookies, shovel snow, jump rope and play hop scotch. They smile, say hello, and make eye contact. If some of them are playing video games or otherwise enjoying screen time, it's definitely kept to a minimum. Bravo to the parents of these great kids!

A few months ago, a girl on our block and her best friend decided to go into business for themselves. Their brothers were the ones to kick off the idea by taping a sign to a telephone pole down the street. On the sign, the boys listed out some small jobs they were interested in doing, such as pulling weeds, raking leaves and basic yard work.

The boys put their yard work business on hold, but their sisters picked up where they left off! One day my bell rang, and there they were with a typed sheet of their own list of jobs they wanted to do. They even named their company - "The Busy Honey Bees." How perfect!

I wasn't really expecting this, so I didn't have it in my head that a couple of third and fourth graders might be able to help me around the house. But then I thought, what the heck! I always have so much on my plate, why not make this a win-win for everyone?

So I gave them a quick lesson in how to mop a kitchen floor. They swept, mopped and Windexed some glass in my house. I paid them for their fine work. Everyone parted happy from this arrangement!

Since then, the girls have been scouting out jobs in the neighborhood, knocking on doors with their sign in hand. My kindergartener has been here when they do this, so he's also catching wind of the entrepreneurial spirit, and has started helping a little more around the house, too!

I hired the kids to walk my dog on several occasions, which was great. Then we worked out an arrangement where they came to let him out, feed and play with him while we were on vacation! Definitely a convenient service to have access to, and much better than a scary dog boarding place.

If you have school-aged kids, have they done anything like this? Because they totally should. There are plenty of seniors who could use the help (not to mention having a friendly visitor). And for a stay-home mom like me who attempts to freelance when I can, having extra hands is a Godsend and worth every penny!

In addition to doing yard and household chores, the girls have also:

• Baked and sold brownies and cookies in the neighborhood

• Run a lemonade stand on a hot summer day

• Offered "mother's helper" services for stay-home moms

If your kids go out and hit the pavement in search of small jobs, just be sure to teach them about safety. Some quick tips, below:

• Try to knock on the doors of people you already know, like friends of your mom and dad, or parents of your friends.
• Stick to the surrounding houses that are near yours. Closer is safer, and it's good to have Mom or Dad nearby.
• The phone number that you put on your sign should be Mom or Dad's cell. That way, you aren't giving your home phone number out to just anyone. Also, parents can screen the call before deciding if it's safe for the children to pursue a particular job.
• If you aren't sure if you can handle how to do a job, ask for a quick training session. If you still aren't comfortable, you can decide not to do it.
• Be careful with, and respectful of, other people's property. If you do break something, you should pay for it or offer not to accept money for the work.
• Any jobs that could result in injury should probably be avoided.
• Finish up all work before dark or dinner time, whichever comes first! 

Happy Job Hunting!

xo,
Mom

My Chihuahua Mix Loves to Talk and Sing!

My dog is a chihuahua mix, or at least that's what I was told at the animal shelter. He can't shake hands worth a turd, and won't roll over at all. But he's such a little songbird and literally cannot help himself if he hears someone singing to a tune on the radio. He must join in immediately!

Here he is, singing along to a Lorde Parody that I Youtubed a few years ago!



He wasn't a howler from the start. We first discovered him, howling his head off, when he was about 2 years old and I had left him behind to go and walk my other dog. My then-BF got footage of him standing in the backyard, howling forlornly, "calling his pack" back to him!

Since then, I have enthusiastically supported his love of howling, which makes him howl and "sing" even more! His favorite things to "say" are "Hello!!!" and "I love you!!"

As expected, my chihuahua mix also enjoys howling along to sirens, and howling along with other humans and dogs when they howl. When we go for walks, the neighborhood children crowd around him and we all have a good howl.

Does your dog do funny stuff? Leave a comment, get a link.

xo,
Mom

How to Cut Your Own Hair in Layers

I have been experimenting with cutting my own hair for many years now. My husband does not appreciate this, and would rather see me spend the money on a good haircut than risk looking crazy. A few times I really screwed it up, but I think I'm getting better at it now. (Right, Honey!?)

I just cut my own hair again, and I think it came out pretty good this time. Yes, I "did" my hair in the photo shown here, but it's still a nice haircut, don't you think!?

The last time I went to the salon, I came out wishing for my old hair back. She cut TOO many layers for my liking. So I figured that if someone's going to screw up my hair, it should be me!

I only use professional hair-cutting scissors when experimenting
with my own hair. You can find them on Amazon!

My hair is very thick, so the mistakes don't really show. I bought a good pair of hair-cutting scissors years ago, just to be able to give myself a trim when necessary. I would never cut hair with anything but professional hair-cutting scissors, even as much of a rookie as I still am!

I have Farah Dukhai to thank for my DIY hair-cutting skills (or lack thereof, ha ha! No. Really, my hair looks great this time, I swear). I stumbled upon Farah's  DIY natural beauty tips while searching Youtube for how to cut your own hair.

Curlers are now my favorite DIY thick-hair go to
for smoothing out my frizz. I prefer the kind that don't require bobby pins!

Anyway, I'm happy to share my DIY hair cut results for the world to see. So, thanks Farah (and her lovely sister, shown in Video 2, below), for helping me improve my hair cutting techniques!






If you're seriously thinking about cutting your own hair, then you should at least get the pro hair cutting scissors and maybe even a kit that includes hair texturing scissors.

I bought a pair of hair texturing scissors myself, but I've never been brave enough to try them! Use hair texturing scissors at your own risk!

xo, Mom

2 Hour Spaghetti and Meatballs Recipe

Spag and MB on a weeknight!? When I say 2 hours to make this, I assume that you have all ingredients on hand. If not, factor in an extra hour for a trip to the store! I served this last week with the first few days of autumn-like weather. My men couldn't get enough!

Ingredients:

1 small package Italian sausage
1 small package meatloaf mix or ground beef
2 slices wheat bread, toasted
About half a cup of milk
2 eggs
5 to 7 cloves garlic, minced
1 small onion
2 large cans tomato sauce
1 large can diced tomatoes
Pinch of thyme, or rosemary if you have it
1/2 cup fresh parsley, chopped
3/4 cups grated cheese such as Parmesan, Romano or a blend
Pinch of allspice
Salt and pepper

To make:

Start by browning the sausage in a large saucepan. Cut sausage into chunks as it cooks. When sausage is nearly cooked through, drain most of the fat. Take half of the garlic that you chopped and saute it with some olive oil and the sausages. Do not let the garlic burn. Add the tomatoes, herbs, salt and pepper. Add some of the chopped parsley. Bring to a low boil, then reduce heat and let the sauce simmer for approximately 2 hours, with the lid either partially on or completely off. Be sure to stir occasionally while sauce is cooking.

Next make the meatballs. Begin by combining the wheat toast with milk in a large bowl. Let it sit until well saturated, then mush up this mixture with your fingers. Add ground meat, 2 eggs, grated cheese, garlic, allspice, parsley, and salt and pepper to taste. Mix all ingredients with your hands, turning frequently in the bowl until everything is well blended.  In terms of consistency, it should feel like meatloaf. And this is hard to explain, but if it isn't firm enough to form into balls, then sprinkle a little bit of bread crumbs in and mix with your hands again.

Take out a large, flat baking pan. Use your hands to roll out bite-sized meatballs. Place each one in the pan. You do not have to leave a lot of space between the meatballs.

Bake in a preheated 350 degree oven for approximately 40 minutes. Remove from oven, let cool on the stovetop. When meatballs are cool, and then to the pot of sauce and continue to cook along with the sausages, until the sauce tastes good enough to put over your spaghetti.

About a half an hour before you plan to serve dinner, boil up a pot of water and cook your spaghetti in it for about 6 minutes, maybe slightly longer to achieve the Al Dente consistency.

Get a large bowl. Scoop out some spaghetti into the bowl, and add sauce, mixing in gently so as not to break the noodles. Serve more sauce, with delicious meatballs and sausage in it, on the side. Each person gets a heaping plate of spaghetti topped with extra sauce and meat. Sprinkle with more parmesan cheese if you like.

Bon appetito!