Whatever Happened to Awesome Homemade Cupcakes for School Birthday Parties?

Remember elementary school birthday parties of the 70s and 80s? They were one of the main highlights of being a kid. If someone had a birthday coming up, everyone in the class could look forward to the arrival of a mysterious, foil-covered box from JC Penney or Macy's which held delicious chocolate or vanilla cupcakes, carefully wrapped in paper and baked with love by Mom. And if you were a really cool kid with an extra awesome mom, you might show up at school with cupcakes that had been somehow magically inserted into ice-cream wafer cones and covered with sprinkles. The ultimate!

Remember eating one of these at your desk? Cupcakes that resemble ice cream cones are still alive and well. It's just that you can't send them into school with your kid for her birthday anymore! Pic from allrecipes.com

Well, these days things are not so simple, and the fun of school birthday parties has been stifled a bit by controlling powers that be. Yes, many kids have life-threatening tree nut allergies, and that is a legitimate concern. But today's elementary schools have some rather rigid rules in place, and come with quite the detailed protocol to follow for sending treats in with your kid.

The first rule set forth by my child's school is that if you wish to send food into school for any reason, it must be submitted in writing at least 2 weeks in advance.

The second is that any snack you send in for the class to enjoy must be already on their "pre-approved" list. So, too bad for you, working parents. No more sailing through the DD drive-thru to grab 24 munchkins on the morning of your kid's special day. No, this must be pre-planned, pre-approved, and pre-selected from a limited list of nutritionally-approved items.

Additionally, here are the nutritional guidelines provided:

• No more than eight grams of total fat per serving
• No more than two grams of saturated fat per serving
• Sugar cannot be the first ingredient
• Beverages can only be low-fat milk, water, or 100%
• Fruit/vegetable juice

According to the notice I received, "All food items must be store purchased and pre-packaged. Foods of “minimal nutritional value” will not be allowed in school. This includes soda, water ices, Jell-O, candy-coated popcorn, cotton candy, chewing gum, and candy. Foods containing nuts or manufactured in a facility that uses nuts are not allowed because of life-threatening allergies."

Are you feeling the birthday love? The unbridled anticipation, the excitement, the joyous spontenaeity?

Not to mention, what constitutes nutritional value is awfully subjective, don't you think? Who is to say that homemade cupcakes made with local farm eggs and grass-fed butter would be nutritionally inferior to the packaged foods that made their list?

In case you were wondering what sorts of approved foods have made the public school birthday treat list, here it is. Looks like Doritos are approved. I guess MSG made the cut? Oh boy, I'm sure the kids at school will be so delighted if I decide to send in Mott's apple sauce.

Luckily for those parents who don't feel like combing the aisles of Shoprite on the night before their child's big day in search of those specific, pre-approved items, the school has a convenient option to order ice cream treats that can be purchased from the cafeteria. One is lowfat ice cream sandwiches, and the other is "birthday-cake flavored" frozen yogurt.

(And why would something that is "birthday cake flavored" be considered healthier again?)

All of this leads us to low fat ice cream treats from the cafeteria as the obvious choice, would it not? 

I mean, what do you want, kids, lowfat graham sticks, boxes of raisins... or ice cream?

 Life in the modern world is very, very strange to me.

xo,
Mom